I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
