a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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