my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
