guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
