youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
