It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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