Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
organizing the empties. That sober.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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