VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
