I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
