Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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