I am in a vortex of obligation.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
