she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
