i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
