I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
