is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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