i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
