oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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