The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
