He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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