You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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