I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
