I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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