drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize