I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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