He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Randomize
