I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
