I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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