this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
