just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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