dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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