Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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