every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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