They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
