the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
