:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
