well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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