i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I have feelings that need drinking.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize