just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
