I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
