Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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