dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
