It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
