the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Randomize
