I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
