My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
