U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
