when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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