where does the pee come out of this thing
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I did not marry a roomba.
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