I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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