He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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