youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
try to milk me bitch
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