So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
