Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
