i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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