I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
