I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
