Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
