i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize