??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
