My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
