girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
