Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize