No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
