wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
