You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
