i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Randomize
