WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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