MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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