what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
